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The Birth of Raven Raven's Arrival (collected from journal scribblings) by Krista Armstrong My due date drew closer and my to-do list never seemed to grow any shorter. Every day, off I would go to run errands, hoping to check a few more things off of that pregnancy celebration, nesting list. The Sunday before my due date, of January 5, friends invited me to go for a hike at Thetis Lake, little did I know they meant around the whole lake. Thankfully I had kept quite active during my pregnancy (no doubt working on that to-do list) and was able to keep up with everyone, somewhat. The long walk, involving some climbing was so good for my pregnancy that when my midwife checked me the next day I was three centimetres dilated. I decide to let my body do it's job and proceed naturally and not to "speed things up" by rimming my cervix. This news however set me off in high gear to get that list done. That day I proclaimed I would have my baby only after my belly mask was done. I would let other things go unfinished only if that one very important task was accomplished. I met with Myles (Lowry) on Tuesday and told him that today was my due date, he felt a sense of urgency and we made an appointment to make the artistic representation of my pregnant form for that evening. Wendy offered to take care of my little sister and Mom went with me to help create this treasure. While we are making the mask we begin to laugh at how funny it would be if I were to go into labor. Wow, how close we came. When the mask was completed (at least the part they needed my body for) Mom and I went back to share the experience with Wendy. The three of us sat up until 1:30 am eating raspberry sorbet , chocolate cake and drinking tea, talking about babies, birth and bellies. I soon became sleepy kissed Mom goodbye, drove Wendy home and then headed home myself. Little did I know that Raven was preparing herself to be welcomed to her waiting family. I crawled into bed, curled up next to Kane and quickly drifted off to sleep, so tired from my long, busy day. I woke around 5:25am to pee. Pretty regular time for about the last five months, maybe even since the first month. I went to the washroom and peed a dribble, I felt bowel pressure and thought I needed to do more that pee but no luck. I waddled back to bed. "Are you Okay?" Kane asked as I crawled back into bed. "Yeah, I just had to pee" I responded , lowering myself down onto my pillow. No sooner did I get those words out of my mouth I felt a gripping sensation, not unlike bowel cramping, I grabbed my belly with my left hand and Kane with my right. "I am having a major, Major contraction" I growled with it. Kane bolted upright. Not convinced I was in labor I said I was just going to go back to the washroom to see if I could "go" now. On the toilet I had two more contractions, the whole time eyeing the bath tub. Feeling I probably had a long way to go yet I thought Oh my god & if these are only going to get stronger I don't know if I can handle it. What do the midwives have? Demerol? (even though they don't) Demerol would be good . These thoughts passed through my mind as I gripped the bathroom counter, even thought I was a thousand times committed to doing this drug free, not only for my baby but for me (for the blissful afterglow). [I later learned that my labor started in transition, at the peak of strong contractions.] After the second contraction I returned to the bedroom where Kane had the light on cramming "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin. "Kane, I'm in labor, can you wash the tub?" Kane got up, I threw off all of my clothes and dealt with more contractions. I paced, I leaned over my baby's dresser, I rocked my hips, I moaned, I vocalized, I closed my eyes and focussed on the rhythm and sent the pain somewhere else (all of this underneath our friends bedroom). The tub was full and I got in, I sat, I got up on my hands and knees with my belly in the water, I rocked, I got out of the tub and sat on the toilet, I got back in, I got out and leaned over the sink and rocked. I moaned, I breathed long and slow. I got back in the tub. I listened to my body and did what my body thought would feel good. All instinctually, nothing planned, thoughtless. I heard Kane bustling and answered his questions. He got his pocket watch. The battery was dead. We didn't know how long or how far apart my contractions were. I thought they were quite short and at least a few minutes apart. "Should I call the midwife?" "No, it 's probably going to be a while yet" "Should I call your mom?" "No, don't wake her yet, she needs to sleep" He calls her anyway. Mom hears me in the background moaning and tells Kane to call the midwife and Wendy and she'd be right over. Kane tells me Mom said to call midwife. " No don't, not yet." I didn 't want everyone sitting around for hours waiting. He calls anyway. I'm mad. I can't do this tonight ' I'm thinking ' I didn't get enough sleep. He calls Wendy. " Tell her to bring her watch" I yell Somewhere before he calls Wendy the phone rings, I figure it's Mom. It's Rachel, Jayson heard me laboring "Do you guys need anything?" " No, I don't think so & I'll call if we do." Kane says (In retrospect I should have had them come down to video tape but then again I thought I didn't want a video) I see the birth tub coming through the bedroom door from my perch on the toilet for this contraction. I'm mad. The water will be cold by the time I'm ready to deliver" I 'm thinking. I wander out from the bathroom between contractions and collapse on the futon on my side, my arm over my eyes. I grasp the arm of the futon with the next contraction. I hear Kane pouring water into the pool. I don't care. I'm not going to do this anyway! ' I'm thinking. Wendy arrives, she's talking to me, I can't remember what she says. I hear Mom and my little sister Lauren arrive. I peek out from under my hand and see Mom hand Kane the video camera. I'm mad. Mom puts Lo down beside me and crawls onto the futon behind me "Kane," she whispers "light some candles". Wendy is in front of me, close to my face. They are talking, excited and giggling. They sooth me. My midwife asks how long my contractions are, Kane explains our watch isn 't working. I say they are short. She times one and says Well that one was 60 seconds" Wow, it didn 't seem that long. She says if I think that felt short than I'm not going to have any problems. I mumble something about how if I could only have a bowel movement then I'd feel better. I'm staying like this, on the futon. I'm tired. It 's 6:00 am. My midwife checks me. "Whenever you feel like it Krista, push" she says. I don't want to push, I'm worried that I'd have an anterior lip and my cervix will swell (one of those things you hear and worry needlessly about). I hold back. I hear Mom speak softly to to my midwife. "How far is she?" "She's fully" I see her lips say. "Kane has the tub ready" my midwife tells me, "get in if you'd like." Mom and Wendy try to convince me to get in to the tub. "Not now." I say. Mom says you'll feel better if you do. So I do. They help me in. AAAAHHH. I do feel better. My contractions subside, I rest, relieved. Contractions stop. AAAAHHH. Mom suggests I squat. I lean toward her, she puts her arms around me. My contractions come back. "It hurts Mom." I'm her little girl. "I know honey" She 's my mommy. She strokes my head. My forehead is on her shoulder. "I don't want to do this anymore." You have to honey...Your baby will be here soon." I'm her little girl, she's my mommy. My contractions piggyback. "Kane," Mom gestures to him, he takes her place, he holds me, I focus on him, have a contraction, close my eyes and need to lean back. They're too intense now. They are one on top of the other. It 's time to push. I continue to vocalize. My midwife tells me to put that energy down below. I push, I rest, I float. I push, I hear the music Kane had put on, I rest. The woman singing has a powerful, booming voice. She is so powerful, I push, I rest. Kane to holds a flashlight on the water. I lean forward to push and focus on the light on the water. There are ripples in the water, the light is the full moon on the waves. The woman bellows the notes. I PUSH. I feel my baby edge forward, slide back, edge forward, slide back. My midwife makes a small circle with her hands. "We can see this much of the baby 's head" she says. " Not enough!" I groan. "Out" I push, I rest. My arms float. I feel no contraction when I rest. I focus inward, I relax, my arms float, I go away for a second. I feel the contraction coming, I feel it building, I anticipate it's peak, I prepare. Here it is, I push with it, I feel it subside, I release and relax, I recline, I let go. I feel each contraction now come gently, build, peak and leave rhythmically. I know the beat now. Encouragement surrounds me, I don't remember words, I remember feeling love, joy, excitement, I do remember the voices! My mom is here, Kane is here. The People who care about my baby are here. "Touch your baby's head" someone says. I'm focusing inwards so hard that I don't know if I can. "Look at all that hair" I hear many voices say. Michelle tells me my baby's hair is waving in the water. I lean forward during a rest between contractions and see a little wrinkled scalp and hair waving back and forth. I gingerly touch the wrinkly head, afraid I'll hurt it, forgetting how tough babies really are. I'm pushing again. I feel stretching. My midwife says soon she will tell me to stop pushing and to breath through the contraction. Before she finishes talking my body tells me to stop. I breath the contraction out through an ' O ' of my lips. Blow, blow, blow, This stings. The top of my opening stings the most, I focus on it. Why does it hurt most on top? ' I'm wondering. (my midwife tells me later Raven 's hand was on her cheek at the top of my passage) "Let your body push the baby with your next contraction." I breath the contraction away. Out pops a little head. She moves the cord from around the baby 's neck. I lean back and rest, waiting for the next contraction to push her shoulders out. One more push. "Catch your baby, Krista." my midwife says. I reach down and bring my baby to my belly. I throw my head back in delight as my baby rests on my body. " Honey, it's your baby." Mom exclaims. " Baby, baby." Lo shrieks. I see the cord wrapped around my baby 's right leg and move it. I 'm surprised at how the cord feels, like rope. I look, I have a girl, a daughter, I register to myself. I thought I spoke it out loud but everyone is asking. I look up through a haze from my own tears and speak, "a girl." Kane is there, he kisses me. Mom kisses me, my baby cries. "Shhh" I rub her. "Mommy's here" There are joyful tears. I rub the vernix on her forehead, I can't look away from her face. I keep talking, I don 't know what I said. I hear the time, 8:02 am. I have a baby! I birthed a baby! Of course I did, I knew I could. A green and white receiving blanket is put over my Raven. Time passes, labor is over, I feel no contractions, all pain is gone, it is replaced by other feelings, joy, laughter, excitement, bliss. Time passes, the cord has stopped pulsing and I 'm asked if I mind the cord being cut now. "Sure, whatever." I have a baby. My midwife clamps the cord and offers scissors to Kane. He cuts the cord. I didn't think he would. I'm glad he did. Kane takes Raven and wraps her in a dry towel. I get out of the tub and my mom's blue bathrobe is put on me, it's warm from the dryer. I walk over to the futon, get comfortable and Kane passes me our daughter. He crawls onto the futon beside us and we kiss. We share in the joy this new life brings to us. Every event from here is a blur, I'm in another realm, one where time doesn't exist, events don't occur linearly here. I hold my baby, I birth the placenta, it is shown to me, I'm fascinated by it's perfect design. Wendy and Michelle go to the kitchen to inspect the placenta. Phone calls.... Steve, how did he know to call? ' Wendy goes upstairs to borrow a freezer bag for the placenta. She returns with Rachel. Pictures are taken. Rachel is happy I had the baby before she left for work. She leaves. Kane takes Raven and I go to the washroom. When I return she is dressed and has had all of her reflexes tested. I get comfortable on the futon. Kane hands Raven to me to nurse her. I bring her to my breast. She latches right away and nurses like an expert. We all talk for some time, about the events of the last few hours and my vitals are checked periodically. When Raven stops nursing I hand her to Mom. Mom gazes at her granddaughter, then asks Wendy if she would like to hold Raven. Wendy settles into the rocking chair and gazes at the precious 6 lb 12 oz bundle. Jayson returns from driving Rachel to work, he has flowers and breakfast. He tells us how her heard me in labor and woke Rachel. Everyone prepares to leave. Jayson congratulates me and Kane. My midwife congratulates us and says she'll be back later to check on us. The back-up midwife congratulates us and gives me a big kiss. Wendy congratulates us and gives me a hug. Lo is tired. My mom gives me, her little girl, a big kiss, I may be a mom now but I'll always be her little girl. She congratulates me and Kane and gives Kane a kiss. She drives Wendy home. Kane and I are alone with our new baby girl. He helps me and our baby Raven to the bedroom. The sheets are rolled down. I place our little bundle between us. Kane and I kiss and we three: Mom, Dad and Raven, - Katiassa Bliss, fall peacefully to sleep.
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